Nice result to my mid term exam.

Today's such a nice day!
I've got my result to mid term exam, finally. for such lazy bad-connected students like me, it's such a privilege that i could look at the blackboard at the end of our classroom, then i know the rank of myself.
10th in class, and 91st in grade. it's good enough for me now, since i haven't begun my study career seriously. once i make up my mind to do it, i'll be far better!!
thanks cat.

chaos.

what a hell is my life!!!!
one minute before i entered my home, i got the letter from josie. she encouraged me to wait for zeze, at least be honest to my heart. be honest to everyone, and make sure it harms nobody.
though i know that now i did choose cat as my boyfriend, but zeze takes still a huge part of my heart. it might be dishonest to cat, but i just could not control myself to stop feeling like this. maybe it is until july comes that i might have the ability to give up him and really focus only on cat. i'm sorry, cat, if you read it. i don't know if you feel comfident on this love game. sorry again i call it a game, but as my poor vacabulary, that's what i afford. i'm afraid if i just can't easy come easy go with my emotional affair about zeze. maybe i am the one who never satisfied herself if something she can't get. i've got no idea.
fine.
one minute after i entered my home, i turn my laptop on, because i want to have a look at cat and singzy's blog, and check my e-mails. a friend told me there will be a meeting about further study in germany held in sys uni. he sent me the information by e-mail. i've got the sixth sense of women? anyhow, i said to myyself, maybe i would recieve klaire's mail as well.
the truth is, it is her mail that lays in my mail box.
named, heart.
inhalt includes, she declares that zeze knew i've got a new boyfriend and he couldn't understand that. klaire said she could. she asked me if i want to give up or forget zeze.
what should i write as reply??
i don't want to be the one who breaks others happiness. i hope i recieve happiness as well. but maybe others is more important to me? i wish zeze is happy, even though he don't feel like choosing me. i don't know if this goal hurts others, like maybe cat. i can't offer my pure love to him. maybe we can do things together, such as swimming learning english maths or just walking or chating. he can give me a hug a kiss a warm feeling. but am i still thinking of zeze? i thought zeze might reply my sms faster than cat, zeze might appear on time for our dating, zeze might be more optimistic. how come?
i am suffering so called happiness.

my desire.

we met today.
we, which means cat and i, got a date today.
i was just on the willing of getting a hug from him all the time.
i wish we could go hand in hand all days months years long. i wish we could hug and kiss. the desire in my heart was so strong and it kept growing if i could not see cat for some days.
it's not a really nice sign. it should be more mentally cummunication between cat and me, which i mean, i am still a middle school student. even though i am an adult. but my body keeps telling me the real true natural need.
fine. let me face my desire. hopefully cat likes it.

Long time no write.

Things happens so rapidly. i could never imagine that i am now cat's girlfriend.
the question i am still asking myself today is, whether i choose him as someone i love, or just because we are both rather comfortable with each other.
i know to choose a boyfriend is like to choose a pair of shoes, which means it doesn't need to be good looking or nice priced, but it should be suit for your feet. that's the point. however, i am not sure if i made a good choice.
he couldn't ensure it neither. at least from my point of view, he insists to be himself. his ex-gf's wallop said, he should not change anything since he's such a clever or super guy. but what i believe is, if i love someone, i would like to change some of my idea or action or habbit just to ingratiate myself to him.
the situation now is, i am trying to change my timetable, my usual plan to suit his. i took metro for half an hour just for having a look at him. i didn't care if i had to go back for one and a half hour. but am i falling in love? or am i still remembering zeze? distances makes beauty? i don't know how to say it in original way.but i like a hug a kiss a sms with i love you. does it mean it doesn't need to be nesserry for me to care who does it?
i am confused.

unreasonable breaking.

for what i know is bad news.
.blogspot is no longer available in china? or at least for a few time.
how silly is it!
people who likes to choose google blogger as their blog, they know not only a few about internet. i mean, then they can find other ways to get on the site.
anyway, it's better security for my blog then.
it's much trouble to get on, but makes it safer.

Good night.

i was just on watching comic shows karo kano these days. waiting for my slow computer down loading avi from eMule, then watch it!
stories of comics is of cause very naive. it's like fairy tales in europe. the purpose of making it and watching it is absolutely not being educated, but relax. i got the sense of pure and true love from it. normally, or so to say, in the past, i feel shame to watch it, it's just rubbish for kids who knows nothing! but since my life changes so much after i went back to gz, my attitude to life is no longer steadily. sometimes i feel bad, i think nobody likes me cares me regards me as a human being who has appreaded in the world, sometimes i feel good, i want to pick up the dream and life plan i made in germany, i want to work for united nations, i want to go to yale, i have to be strong-minded and hard working, i have the goal of my future, most of the time, it's neither good nor bad, but i am confused.
do i really like or even love freezy? he keeps refusing me and saying sorry to me. he's so straight on waiting for klaire, but is it just when july comes, klaire comes back from germany, we hold a meeting and everything will be solved? i though he needed an excuse to give up klaire, then he would come to me. but now, i am so much moved by his constancy. however, does it mean he loves klaire more than i love him? or, can we use more or less to judge love? i don't want to give up waiting for him, but so does freezy. i can understand his behavior because i am doing totally the same as he is.
what is the turn of better? in the meantime, cat appears. he's a nice guy. with much knowledge and powerful idea of leading a good life. i guess he's not sensitive as me, he's rational just like i was, he could not achieve my dream of love. anyway i learn a lot from him, i trust him.
the key point is, he's not the one, has willing to say good night before i sleep, if i don't talk or send him sms. i wish my mr. right being my morning call or telling me it's time for bed. i wish him say hi whenever he sees me on gtalk, msn or qq. then we can chat a bit or doing things together or separately.
always the song text. i don't care, if we share, only moments a day, i just don't want to be lonely.
i said to myself, and to freezy and to cat, good night, in a deep voice, secretly with tears.

long absent soon forgotten.

why i have to use IE to post my article?!
what i dislike...
anyhow.
i've written 2 articles and failed to post it with firefox.
today is 16th already.