Good night.

i was just on watching comic shows karo kano these days. waiting for my slow computer down loading avi from eMule, then watch it!
stories of comics is of cause very naive. it's like fairy tales in europe. the purpose of making it and watching it is absolutely not being educated, but relax. i got the sense of pure and true love from it. normally, or so to say, in the past, i feel shame to watch it, it's just rubbish for kids who knows nothing! but since my life changes so much after i went back to gz, my attitude to life is no longer steadily. sometimes i feel bad, i think nobody likes me cares me regards me as a human being who has appreaded in the world, sometimes i feel good, i want to pick up the dream and life plan i made in germany, i want to work for united nations, i want to go to yale, i have to be strong-minded and hard working, i have the goal of my future, most of the time, it's neither good nor bad, but i am confused.
do i really like or even love freezy? he keeps refusing me and saying sorry to me. he's so straight on waiting for klaire, but is it just when july comes, klaire comes back from germany, we hold a meeting and everything will be solved? i though he needed an excuse to give up klaire, then he would come to me. but now, i am so much moved by his constancy. however, does it mean he loves klaire more than i love him? or, can we use more or less to judge love? i don't want to give up waiting for him, but so does freezy. i can understand his behavior because i am doing totally the same as he is.
what is the turn of better? in the meantime, cat appears. he's a nice guy. with much knowledge and powerful idea of leading a good life. i guess he's not sensitive as me, he's rational just like i was, he could not achieve my dream of love. anyway i learn a lot from him, i trust him.
the key point is, he's not the one, has willing to say good night before i sleep, if i don't talk or send him sms. i wish my mr. right being my morning call or telling me it's time for bed. i wish him say hi whenever he sees me on gtalk, msn or qq. then we can chat a bit or doing things together or separately.
always the song text. i don't care, if we share, only moments a day, i just don't want to be lonely.
i said to myself, and to freezy and to cat, good night, in a deep voice, secretly with tears.